Rose Colored Glasses

I have been thinking a lot about Dylan lately. Sometimes it seems like the last nine months never happened, and I am back in that moment when we found out we had lost him. That pain is just as real now as it was then. I recently listened to some young mothers talk about being pregnant. One of them was due anyday. They were all talking about how to get yourself to go into labor. All I could think about was, "that baby could die at any second and all you guys can talk about is how to get it out." It wasn't that long ago that I would have been doing that same thing. I wanted to have my twins so badly, I was ready to be done being pregnant. Now I wish I could have just kept them safe. Oh how I sometimes wish I had those rose colored glasses on again. I wish I could be that innocent person that has no clue about the true sadness that can come into one's life. Gavin brings such happiness into our home and I am so grateful for my girls. Our loss has made us closer, and our new reality gives us more empathy and more appreciation for one another and for life in general. I have learned a lot and gained a lot, but sometimes I would give it all back to have my son. I don't really know what the next life will bring. All I have is the hope that we will be together again. Anyways, onward and upward. I hope I haven't made anyone too sad, I just felt like putting it out there because I know there are others who have my same struggle.