I was running errands the other day with Gavin and Taygen in the car and Gavin struck up this conversation with me. Gavin: mom, where's Dylan? Me: he's in heaven buddy, he died. Gavin: he died?!!! But I wuv (love) him so much. Me: I know, I love him too. When we get to heaven we can see him again. Gavin: yay! I see him again! He's my big brother!
The kid sure knows how to melt my heart. He understands so much more than I expect him to. We are so lucky to have such a beautiful spirit in our home!
Our Family
- Steph
- Brian is from Idaho Falls, ID, and I am from Orem, UT. We met many years ago at Utah State University. We have 3 daughters: Maya who's 9,Kaitlyn who's 7, and Taygen who's 1. We had twin boys Dylan and Gavin. We lost our son Dylan, but Gavin is 4.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Pass it on!
Hey everyone! I just wanted to put this out there. My sister-in-law Hillary and her husband Tyler are looking to adopt. I put their picture with a link to their profile on the side of my blog. They are awesome and are going to make great parents! My girls just love to visit their Aunt Hillary! So if you know anyone that is looking to place, pass along their info!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Happy Birthday Brian!
Brian's birthday was on Sunday February 27th. We had a party at our house the night before for my Dad's birthday as well.
Brian wanted to eat at Dickey's BBQ for his birthday. So he went there to pick up food and eat it at the house. It had been awhile since we had eaten there. One of the things we miss the most about Texas is the BBQ. It is tough to find good BBQ here! Luckily, Dickey's finally came here. They have pretty good food. Brian was happy, so that's all that matters! I was worried about pulling off a good birthday for him with a brand new baby and very little sleep. At least there always Mario Kart!
He got everything he wanted, except sharing his birthday with the new baby! He is pretty easy to please! Eventhough he can't seem to make it through a birthday without having a cake that his mom used to make or frosting that she makes. What is it with boys and their moms?! It's hard to measure up, but I am happy he loves his mom so much!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One Crazy Week!
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I guess it is safe to say that we successfully survived an extremely stressful and crazy week! I can't believe it has been that long to tell you the truth! It all started Monday morning when I went in for an amnioncentesis. The results came back saying that the baby was more than ready to be born soon. I, however, was only dilated to a 2. So instead of scheduling a C-section for the next morning, we thought we would wait one more week to see if I would dilate further so that I could be induced. Little did I know that decision would be made for me! It was a good thing that we cancelled anything for Tuesday morning because we would not have made it. We went to the skating rink that night with the kids for their school activity. Brian met me there and then we both drove home. When I got home I got the kids in their jammies and was getting Gaving in his jammies when I heard Brian's garage door open. Then I heard him coming up the steps in the garage followed by a crashing sound. He had opened up the door to the house before he fell so I heard him cry out. He has fallen on several occasions, so I didn't rush right out because I thought he had just dropped some stuff or fallen to his knees. When I got to the door I saw him laying on the floor of the garage not conscious. I came down the stairs and he started talking to me. He seemed ok at first, but then I saw his head was bleeding and he was saying a bunch of incoherent and weird things. I decided he needed to go to the hospital, but there was no way I could get him up off the floor. So I called 911. He was still conscious, but not making any sense so the paramedics thought it would be better if they transported him so they could keep an eye on his vitals and other things. Luckily, a bunch of my neighbors had come over when they saw the lights and took my kids. The next thing I knew I was in my pajamas driving to the hospital. We were there for several hours waiting on tests and a CT scan. Everything came back normal so they let us go home. It was pretty late when we go here, but there were still neighbors who were here to help carry Brian into the house. By the time I got him ready for bed and asleep I was getting extremely sick. I spent the next 5-6 hours with the chills and vomiting. I called my mom about 5 in the morning and asked her to come to my house in a few hours to get the kids off to school because I would not be able to. I called the Dr.'s office and left a message about my symptoms and what I should do. So my mom got the kids off to school for me then went home. On her way home she slammed into the back of another car on the freeway. I feel totally responsible because if I hadn't of called her, she wouldn't have been in an accident. After I got off the phone with her, my Dr.'s nurse called and said that I needed to get to labor and delivery ASAP. Here I am, my mom was just in an accident, Brian is completely out, I have Gavin at home, and I am sicker than sick, and I supposed to go somewhere! I called some neighbors to leave Gavin with and then drove myself to the hospital. I looked horrible by the time I got there so they rushed to get warm blankets on me and take my blood. Let me just tell you that laying there in the hospital sick and alone and feeling helpless was not so good for me. All the tests came back normal, but my Dr. felt like sending me home in this condition was a really bad plan. He really wanted my consent to do a C-section that day. I was not willing to risk my luck or take any chances so I told him to go ahead. I wasn't sure if Brian was going to be able to make it. However, he told me on the phone that he didn't know how he was going to get there, but that he was not missing the birth of his baby. Again the neighbors came to the rescue to get him into a car and to the hospital. They wheeled him around in a wheelchair in case he got dizzy. The nice thing about the C-section was that everyone in there made me totally at ease. Even the anesthesiologist. I have never met one of those doctors that I like. This guy was awesome though. He was super friendly and made me very comfortable with my spinal. My last experience was very horrible because the guy basically did not care how I was feeling. This guy was really young, he was actually the same age as me which is kind of weird when you are stark naked on the table and everyone is attaching things to you! They made the surgery in to a big party. They called it a birthday party! When they brought Brian in I got really emotional. This was the moment we had been waiting for for so long. I was so grateful in that moment that he was there to support me and hold my hand. When they took our precious baby out and I heard her cry,
I cried like I have never cried before. We're talking the total ugly cry. It was the best sound in the world to hear Taygen cry. 
I have never cried at the birth of any of my children. I was always happy, but I never fully understood the true miracle of having a healthy baby. It was an experience I will never forget, a joy I can't describe in words. I am just so so grateful that after everything we had went through we were able to hold our baby girl. I of course sent for the kids as soon as possible so they could be comforted that I was OK, that Daddy was OK, and that Taygen was OK.
Maya was extremely relieved.
She told me that she couldn't believe that Taygen had lived, but she was so grateful that she had. That girl of mine is going to have such a wealth of knowledge about how precious and short life truly is. I am so glad that this event turned out to be positive for all of us. So now were home
enjoying our little bright spot so much.
She means a great deal to our family and we love her very much!
I guess it is safe to say that we successfully survived an extremely stressful and crazy week! I can't believe it has been that long to tell you the truth! It all started Monday morning when I went in for an amnioncentesis. The results came back saying that the baby was more than ready to be born soon. I, however, was only dilated to a 2. So instead of scheduling a C-section for the next morning, we thought we would wait one more week to see if I would dilate further so that I could be induced. Little did I know that decision would be made for me! It was a good thing that we cancelled anything for Tuesday morning because we would not have made it. We went to the skating rink that night with the kids for their school activity. Brian met me there and then we both drove home. When I got home I got the kids in their jammies and was getting Gaving in his jammies when I heard Brian's garage door open. Then I heard him coming up the steps in the garage followed by a crashing sound. He had opened up the door to the house before he fell so I heard him cry out. He has fallen on several occasions, so I didn't rush right out because I thought he had just dropped some stuff or fallen to his knees. When I got to the door I saw him laying on the floor of the garage not conscious. I came down the stairs and he started talking to me. He seemed ok at first, but then I saw his head was bleeding and he was saying a bunch of incoherent and weird things. I decided he needed to go to the hospital, but there was no way I could get him up off the floor. So I called 911. He was still conscious, but not making any sense so the paramedics thought it would be better if they transported him so they could keep an eye on his vitals and other things. Luckily, a bunch of my neighbors had come over when they saw the lights and took my kids. The next thing I knew I was in my pajamas driving to the hospital. We were there for several hours waiting on tests and a CT scan. Everything came back normal so they let us go home. It was pretty late when we go here, but there were still neighbors who were here to help carry Brian into the house. By the time I got him ready for bed and asleep I was getting extremely sick. I spent the next 5-6 hours with the chills and vomiting. I called my mom about 5 in the morning and asked her to come to my house in a few hours to get the kids off to school because I would not be able to. I called the Dr.'s office and left a message about my symptoms and what I should do. So my mom got the kids off to school for me then went home. On her way home she slammed into the back of another car on the freeway. I feel totally responsible because if I hadn't of called her, she wouldn't have been in an accident. After I got off the phone with her, my Dr.'s nurse called and said that I needed to get to labor and delivery ASAP. Here I am, my mom was just in an accident, Brian is completely out, I have Gavin at home, and I am sicker than sick, and I supposed to go somewhere! I called some neighbors to leave Gavin with and then drove myself to the hospital. I looked horrible by the time I got there so they rushed to get warm blankets on me and take my blood. Let me just tell you that laying there in the hospital sick and alone and feeling helpless was not so good for me. All the tests came back normal, but my Dr. felt like sending me home in this condition was a really bad plan. He really wanted my consent to do a C-section that day. I was not willing to risk my luck or take any chances so I told him to go ahead. I wasn't sure if Brian was going to be able to make it. However, he told me on the phone that he didn't know how he was going to get there, but that he was not missing the birth of his baby. Again the neighbors came to the rescue to get him into a car and to the hospital. They wheeled him around in a wheelchair in case he got dizzy. The nice thing about the C-section was that everyone in there made me totally at ease. Even the anesthesiologist. I have never met one of those doctors that I like. This guy was awesome though. He was super friendly and made me very comfortable with my spinal. My last experience was very horrible because the guy basically did not care how I was feeling. This guy was really young, he was actually the same age as me which is kind of weird when you are stark naked on the table and everyone is attaching things to you! They made the surgery in to a big party. They called it a birthday party! When they brought Brian in I got really emotional. This was the moment we had been waiting for for so long. I was so grateful in that moment that he was there to support me and hold my hand. When they took our precious baby out and I heard her cry,
I cried like I have never cried before. We're talking the total ugly cry. It was the best sound in the world to hear Taygen cry. 
I have never cried at the birth of any of my children. I was always happy, but I never fully understood the true miracle of having a healthy baby. It was an experience I will never forget, a joy I can't describe in words. I am just so so grateful that after everything we had went through we were able to hold our baby girl. I of course sent for the kids as soon as possible so they could be comforted that I was OK, that Daddy was OK, and that Taygen was OK.
Maya was extremely relieved.
She told me that she couldn't believe that Taygen had lived, but she was so grateful that she had. That girl of mine is going to have such a wealth of knowledge about how precious and short life truly is. I am so glad that this event turned out to be positive for all of us. So now were home
enjoying our little bright spot so much.
She means a great deal to our family and we love her very much!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I Might Be Crazy
To say that I am stressed or anxious about this pregnancy is a huge understatement. I have reached the point in my pregnancy when we lost our son Dylan. I have tried to be optimistic about the outcome for this baby, but the fear is still always there. I go to the gym and work out on the treadmill to try and keep my anxiety at bay. I use lots of different relaxation techniques so I don't go totally crazy, but it's hard to sleep and not worry. I am so grateful everytime this baby moves. We had a little scare on Monday because I couldn't get the baby to move for several hours, which was not normal. I called the Dr. and he wanted me to go right to the hospital. Of course I totally lost it. I was so hysterical I couldn't pull myself together to get in the car. Luckily my awesome husband immediately left work to be with me. They still couldn't get the baby to move at the hospital, but they did get a really strong heartbeat. I don't think I have ever been more grateful to hear that sound! I think there was a part of me that thought maybe I could lose another child since I had already gone thru it before, boy was I wrong! I think it was almost worse thinking it had happened a second time. I want this baby so bad, but I worry a lot about it living. I have bought a few things for the baby, but all of it has the tags on still and I have all the receipts. How retarded is that? I did buy a few nonrefundable items, and we are preparing the house as if we will bring a baby home. My sweet girls pray day and night that this baby will live. It breaks my heart that I am the mom and supposed to protect them from pain. They have so much faith and I hope that a loss won't crush their unwavering belief. They are such amazing examples to me. I am getting so tired at the gym, but I'm afraid if I stop working out, I might completely lose it!! Right now the dr has me coming in every week and going in twice a week for nonstress tests. I am grateful that he is concerned about my welfare and that of my baby. He has been truly awesome thru this whole ordeal. I don't suppose I will feel truly secure until I have his baby safely in my arms!! Here's hoping for the best!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Class Talent Show
Maya had a class talent show today. She decided to play the piano for her talent. She played "Moonlight Sonata." She had been playing it not so well this morning and yesterday, so I was a little nervous for her today. However, she really did well on it! She works really good under pressure! I hope she always has that skill because it will serve her well! I surely did not do so good when everyone was watching me! Good job Maya!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Christmas Eve
We decided to get a real tree for Dylan this year. It turned out a lot bigger than we planned, so the decorations are a little sparce. I think we will keep that tradition up. It was fun for us to go to a tree farm and pick out a special tree for our son/brother. Then we all decorated it and took it up to the cemetary. We opened up our secret baby envelope at the cemetary as well. It was a special moment for all of us.
Later on, at my parents house, we re-enacted the Christmas story again. I had thought about just skipping it this year, but the kids would have none of that! All three toddler nephews wanted to be wisemen this year, so that meant that Uncle Adam got to be the star!
What a good sport! The kids were hilarious and very intrigued.
At least it is fun for them to play a part in the story. Hopefully someday they will actually understand what it is they are doing! Baby Matthew was Baby Jesus this year. Maya did a good job of holding him.
The boys really got into the fact that we were calling Matthew, Jesus.
The kids got PJ's again for Christmas eve.
You've never seen kids more excited to get a pair of pajamas.
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